Unblinking blue eyes, he blurts it out, "I really think He's TELLING me, 'GO to Africa,' on the Kenya trip." What? I know the one he means, the well drilling in Adiedio. Our church is sponsoring it. But, are you crazy?! I want to shout, We NEED you, Craig. Can't you SEE that?! Frown. "You can't jump up and go to Kenya for half a month." Can't this just be a general feeling of us having so much we better give a little back? I was thinking we could sponsor a Compassion child from Africa or something sensible. Now, God's up and telling him, "GO." Is he supposed to be Abraham or Moses? What in the world?
Prayer, the quiet, unimpressive beginning, the starting point, the space in a sentence before a word like terminal, unresponsive, or maybe, Africa. I pull the full girth of my prayers out of calm hibernation, the simplicity suddenly inadequate. I awaken to the possibility: Thy will be done, might not include my will at ALL.
No, thank-you very much.
And then there is the whole issue of flat refusing God. Can you do that? Can you just say, no, I don't want what you have to offer? And, then what? Does he still take care of you? Are you at war? Truce? He sort of does have the bigger guns. Plus, who does that make me if I tell God, "NO."? Unsettling.
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Crescendo.
Click here for Part 5.
7 comments:
I think we can say no to God. Problem is, God has our heart and character in mind and if we don't get it through this experience, it usually comes up again and again in other circumstances.
I don't see God as being upset or mad if we say no--just like an understanding father, He backs up and gently prods again.
I haven't found God to ever say, "Aww--forget it. Wasn't important afterall." But God is nothing if not patient.
I love this line: Thy will be done might not include my will at all. So humbling; so freeing; so scary. Thanks for sharing!
I was once told that you never see God's best for you until you allow Him to take you out of your comfort zone. I immediately thought, no, no, I am satisfied with midlin. Goat always says something like stand a little taller, walk a little closer when entering into uncertain circumstances. I go for eyes closed and breath held. I think He is ok with either way.
When my footing is unsteady, with my eyes sometimes clenched shut, sometimes peeking through fingers, whether curled up in self-protection mode or standing a little taller...my mantra...
"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." (Rainer Maria Rilke)
Prevail.
Wow, that quote. I'm gonna hang that inside a cupboard in my kitchen. Thanks.
I was once trying to figure out what to do...A or B? I was torn - didn't know what was best. It seemed that what God was telling me was clear, but it was so polar opposite what I wanted...doesn't he speak to us through the desires of our hearts too? I wondered.
I was talking with a friend about it. She said "Imagine God standing before you with his hands behind his back and asking you...which hand do you want? with a grin on his face."
She told me each hand held a blessing, and God really had no preference which one we chose. He still loves us no matter what. He's still on our side no matter what.
That being said...if you're not feeling like there's a choice, but more of an instruction? You know the answer. Deep in your heart, you really do.
Being without your husband for a time would be very difficult (my hubby just left for the next 4 days, and it's hard and lonely without him here). But what about having a husband who knows in his heart that he chose to disobey his Lord? Living with that might even be harder.
Whenever my husband has to leave for work (like for 4 days when we have soccer, tball, and scouts all while he's gone...WHAT am I going to do...how can I do this...) - I always end up realizing that I'm stronger than I think I am. And I always end up having such sweet alone time with the Lord.
Peace, my friend. Looking forward to hearing the answers you come up with...
I think some of the most humbling moments we have are when we can really say "not my will, but yours", especially when we're wrestling with issues that tug on our heart strings. The growth that occurs as a result of truly letting God be in control is just awesome. I can't wait to see what's in store for you guys!
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